Bullying

There is so much about bullying in the media recently and it breaks my heart. There are so many young people living in hell every day. I had a horrible time in school due to being bullied. I used to wake up in the morning before school and cry BECAUSE I woke up.

There is nothing as isolating as bullying. I become so used to people picking on me that I couldn’t recognise when someone was being friendly or kind. I doubted myself and others intentions. Because of this my whole view of the world became skewed. Instead of a balanced life view I believed that everyone was out to hurt me, that the world was dangerous and hurtful. And that I was worthless. I accidentally conjured up a word ‘worthyful’ which was a slip of the tongue but fit how I felt perfectly. Like a mixture of worthy, worthwhile and beautiful, it seemed to be everything I was not. I know now that is not true- not true for anyone. You are “worthyful” and people are kind. Life is not all hard corners and sharp edges.

I recently found my diary from when I was at school and it is just full of a desperate sadness and fear that no child or young person should feel.

“It’s all the little things that make it worse, like walking in the class and everyone goes silent or in class talking loudly about me and looking and smirking.”

“School is in two days. I know I have to go, I won’t try to get out of it. But I think of school every minute of every day and it makes my stomach sick, loses my energy. I just laugh because I am supposed to laugh, I cry at sad films because I have to cry. I have no emotions left, except fear about school. I have years left.”

12 Year old me and 17 year old me

I look back on it now and I cannot believe how miserable I was. Every day felt like a nightmare. I had no hope, no confidence and no self-belief. It gets better! Every day better and better. Now I can do things I never would have believed possible. I can speak to strangers. I can laugh and mean it. I can talk in front of groups or dance. I can go after the things I want and get them. I can stand in a group of people and still know who I am. I have hope and curiosity and interest in a world that is kind and quirky and full of stories. And I believe that I have value, that my story is worthwhile and I am “worthyful” .

My heart goes out to anyone experiencing bullying of any kind. If you are one of the MANY MANY people being bullied please talk about it. You can do it online, to a teacher, an adult or a friend. All I can say is it gets better. People get better. Life gets better and you are “worthyful”.

Emma Watson, Robert Pattinson, Sandra Bullock, Tom Cruise, Miley Cyrus, Prince Harry, Lady Gaga, Chris Colfer and Brian McFadden are just SOME of the celebrities who were bullied.